Diary of a Wimpy Cat - Isolation begins...

It's day 1. The crazy humans are as confusing as ever. While I take a 'go bush' approach to the whole self-isolation saga, they have decided to loll about looking as bored and confused as possible. Male human has poured himself into some nasty lycra (he does this almost daily anyway) but then thought it would be a good idea to traumatise the female of his species with dancing in the kitchen. Hmmm. Perhaps dancing is overstating the moves a little... He is off on some large wheeled contraption. If the female is lucky, the lycra man may return. Especially fun day to get out on the tar when there are no other vehicles in sight.

Satan (as we like to refer to the other feline in the family) has busied herself around the other side of the house. Nowhere is far enough in our relationship. I loosely use that term, considering the depth of our mutual loathing. We make an acrimonious divorce look amicable. Anyway, she prowled across the roof a few hours ago, just to look threatening and deviant. She's such a pussy.

As for the female human, she has managed to dart from cleaning, to typing, to cleaning, to coming out and annoying me, to cleaning. I know that when that motorised death sucker comes out of the cupboard, it is time for me to evacuate the homestead and find a leafy retreat. I worry about the noise and I sure as heck don't trust it not to suck me in too.

Sun's out, the lunatic humans are busy, mustn't exert myself too much... sigh. It really is a cat's life.